Daily Sport News

[Closing off Pit Chatter Rewind with one of my personal faves. If this is your first time checking out the Pit Chatters, click here to catch up with some of the more recent offerings. We'll see you back here tomorrow night for the Coke Zero open comment thread. For our American readers, Happy Fourth of July; for everybody else, drink beer, blow stuff up, and thank us for everything that's cool in the world. Seeya!]

Listening in on the secret driver's channel from last Saturday night's CarQuest Nationwide race. With only a few laps to go and the race under caution, Denny Hamlin swerves into Brad Keselowski.

Brad Keselowski: Hey! Ow! That hurt!

Denny Hamlin: Dine on my Goodyears, churl! That is how we roll in Sprint Cup!

Brad Keselowski: But - but I'm not in Sprint Cup! This is so majorly not fair! Dale! Dale!

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: ...yes, Brad. What can I do for you?

Brad Keselowski: Dale, did you see what Denny just did?

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Nope. Was doing sudoku.

Brad Keselowski: Sudoku? But we're in the middle of a race!

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: A Nationwide race. It's not, like, real racing or anything. Hell, I caught a nap from laps 25 to 38 back there.

Brad Keselowski: It's a real race to me, Dale! And now I ... and now I ...

[Sniffling sounds come from Keselowski's mike.]

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Brad, are you crying?

Brad Keselowski: NO! I've just got some dust in my eye.

Denny Hamlin: That would be MY dust! And verily, there is an abundance more from whence it came!

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Shut up, Denny. Eat fender. [Thumps the back end of Hamlin's car.]

Denny Hamlin: Foul varlet! You shall taste my fury!

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Whatever. Now, Brad - did the National Guard cry when they lost the Alamo?

Brad Keselowski: I didn't think the National Guard was involved -

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Did AMP Energy Drink cry when Red Bull introduced its refreshing Appletini Avalanche?

Brad Keselowski: Can drinks really cry? I don't think-

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Did I cry when Kyle spun me out in Richmond?

Brad Keselowski: Sure sounded like it.

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: For the last time, that was static. Static, you hear me? Now, look. Only way anybody's ever going to respect you is if you man up and start bringing a little more attitude. You think you can do that?

Brad Keselowski: I, um -- I guess so?

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: What?

Brad Keselowski: I guess so ... sir?

Dale Earnhardt Jr: WHAT?

Brad Keselowski: I GUESS SO, BEEYOTCH!

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Eh. Whatever works for you.

[A few laps later, the racing is done. Keselowski talks to reporters.]

Brad Keselowski: So, yeah, I said, "Boy, you best take that weak-ass thumpin' [bleep] on up the road, ‘cause round here, we drivin' an' thrivin', knowhutI -" [Catches sight of some action on pit road.] Uh-oh. Dale...?

[Hamlin stands atop his #20 car, backlit by the dramatic lights of Lowe's Motor Speedway. He lifts his helmet and bellows to the heavens.]

Denny Hamlin: HAMSTERS! TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!

[Hamlin's crew roars and charges Keselowski's men. Up in the Lowe's Speedway skybox, Joe Gibbs closes his eyes, shakes his head, and turns slowly away.]

Joe Gibbs: Last time I let him watch 300 before a race, I tell you that.

[For your holiday pleasure, re-presenting Pit Chatters from days gone by. Enjoy!]

More from the secret driver's channel. This week, we tune in to the final laps of Darlington. Kyle Busch is leading, text-messaging his gloating ...

Kyle Busch: WINNIN AGAIN, YO!!! W00T W00T!!!

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: I can't stand this. I'm gonna dust this clown.

Jimmie Johnson: Easy, Dale. We got it covered.

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Covered? What do you mean ‘covered,' Johnny?

Jimmie Johnson: It's Ji--forget it. Look, you don't need to wreck Rowdy.

[Kyle comes flying past.]

Kyle Busch: WHOZ IN FRUNT? DIS GUY! DIS GUY!!!1!!!

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Come on! I can wreck him! I beat up a gorilla, remember?

Jimmie Johnson: That ain't the point. Rowdy--

Jeff Gordon: Say, fellows? Can I point something out?

Jimmie Johnson: ... sure. Go ahead.

Jeff Gordon: Well, I was noticing that young master Busch -

Reed Sorenson: Huh huh ... you said "Master Bush." I'd like to master her --

Jeff Gordon:  -- young master Busch has a lot of nicknames, but none of them are his. "Rowdy," "Wild Thing," "Shrub" ... they all belonged to someone else first.

Kyle Busch: THEY ALL MINE NOW, RAINBOW!!!! WHOOOOOOOO!!!!

[Kyle blows past Gordon.]

Jeff Gordon: Eeeeek!!

Jimmie Johnson: Guys, settle down. Look, Kyle thrives on conflict, right? So how about we give him none?

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Are you talking ...

Jimmie Johnson: I'm talking freezeout. Starting now.

Kyle Busch: IMA PWN ALL YALL!!!!1!!!

[Silence.]

Kyle Busch: D00DZ?

[Nothing but the hum of the tires.]

Kyle Busch: D00DZ???

[Still silence.]

Kyle Busch: D00DZ, PLZ! ANY1 OUT THER?

[Kyle pulls into Victory Lane. His crew's going nuts, and Kyle leaps out of the car. But as he bows, jumps, and cavorts, he keeps checking his cell phone.]

Kyle Busch's phone: NO MESSAGES

[And for a moment, Kyle thinks of typing in IM SORY. But he puts the phone back in his pocket ... for now.]

Coverage of the trade frenzy this week proved that hockey journalism has been forever changed for the better (despite the occasional exceptions) thanks to the blogosphere.

When GM George McPhee gets on a conference call and explains in astonishing detail the negotiations between the Washington Capitals and goalie Cristobal Huet, those details are now provided to fans nearly verbatim. You're still not getting that level of reporting from a newspaper.

But thanks to the influence of the Web, the MSM is providing that kind of reporting through its own alternative media, like Rich Hammond's remarkable Inside the Kings blog for the Los Angeles Daily News. He has a word-by-word interview with Rob Blake's agent Pat Brisson that explains why the free-agent defenseman decided to leave the Los Angeles Kings for the San Jose Sharks yesterday, and it's one hell of a read. The money passage, in Brisson's words:

"So finally at 11 or noon, Dean [Lombardi, Kings GM] texts me and he says that it's important that we get this done but we can only get this done when I see what's happening with other things. If it's a cap (maximum) team, I would understand. But when we're talking about a (salary cap) floor team and we're talking about a player who is willing to give his experience and play in that role we're talking about, I need an answer. So, Rob called Dean. He's not a 20-year-old player. He has no problem calling the GM directly. Dean told him, 'We're not prepared to do this right now.' How do you think that makes the asset feel? When I saw (sic) 'asset,' I mean the player. So he looked at the situation and he said, 'Pat, I think it might be time to look at other offers and maybe a team that might want me for another role.'"

We forget so often during this financial insanity that for many of these players -- and certainly players with Blake's mileage -- it all comes down to a sense of being wanted; the comfort that the team you're playing for appreciates your talent and makes you a priority. It may all be boardroom, back-slapping negotiation lip-service; but for a guy like Blake, who played parts of 14 seasons with the Kings, it's all he needs to hear in order to sign on.

Which brings us to Dan Boyle, who could be joining Mr. Blake very shortly.

Boyle's agent George Bazos was given permission to speak with other teams by the Tampa Bay Lightning and told Damian Cristodero of Lightning Strikes today that San Jose is "a place he's very happy to be." So TSN reports that Boyle and defenseman Brad Lukowich to the Sharks for 23-year old defenseman Matt Carle, a first round draft pick, a prospect and a fourth-round pick is just about done.

So in the span of a week we've gone from "Lightning management" telling Bazos that it wants Boyle to stay and Boyle saying he's not going to waive his no-trade clause, to Dan Boyle being thisclose to joining the Sharks. Lord knows the threats of waivers and other sneaky managerial tricks that Bolts threatened probably convinced Boyle to drop his NTC. But in the end, perhaps it's as simple as this: New owners, new coach, and no county for $6.667 million-per-season old defensemen.

As much as Boyle wanted to stay, he wasn't going to stay where he's not wanted.

From a Tampa perspective, shedding Boyle's salary was a must after the spending spree of the summer. But he was the only stud on the blueline for this team, and his departure will create even more questions about the collection of warm bodies separating the Bolts' all-star cast at forward and their already questionable goaltending. (Kolzig? Really?)

But the return is strong: A couple of picks and Carle, who still has a world of potential that's yet to be fulfilled. (And since no Oren Koules move can be made without some oddity, what to make of the David Carle draft-day saga now?)

From a San Jose perspective, the signing of Blake is being hailed as a move that made the Sharks Stanley Cup contenders again. PJ Swenson said he's the team's first true power-play quarterback. We Bleed Teal is bowing down to a right-handed shot coming to San Jose.

Adding Boyle, the Sharks have the best defensive unit (on paper) the franchise has ever had; yes, even better than the solid group that helped San Jose to the conference finals in 2004. To be able to say that with Brian Campbell out in Chicago is a rather startling thing.

So everyone wins here (outside of maybe the Kings). Tampa cuts salary, San Jose salvages its off-season, and Blake and Boyle find a team that appreciates them.

[For your holiday pleasure, re-presenting Pit Chatters of days past. Enjoy!]

Listening in on the "secret driver's channel" this past weekend at Bristol...

Sam Hornish Jr.: Hey, D.

Dario Franchitti: Hey, Sam. What's up?

Sam Hornish Jr.: You, uh ... you getting nervous?

Dario Franchitti: About what?

Sam Hornish Jr.: You know ... about not making the Top 35.

Dario Franchitti: Pfffft. Not a care in the world.

Sam Hornish Jr.: Yeah, but, I mean ... all the stories are about how us open-wheel dudes are having so much trouble --

Dario Franchitti: Relax, Sam.

Sam Hornish Jr.: --everybody's laughing at me ... my wife can't look me in the eye --

Dario Franchitti: RELAX, Sam.

Sam Hornish Jr.: --and darn it, I've been sanding the corns off Mark Martin's feet for the last month! When is Rookie Corn Duty gonna be over, huh?

Dario Franchitti: SAM! RELAX! And there's no such thing as Rookie Corn Duty!

Sam Hornish Jr.: There's not? Aw, son of a ...

[Tony Stewart comes whipping around the track in the lead.]

Tony Stewart: One side, Eurotrash, one side!

Sam Hornish Jr.: Eurotrash? I'm from freakin' Ohio!

Tony Stewart: What-evah. Got me a race to win, son!

Sam Hornish Jr.: Why, I oughtta-

Dario Franchitti: Easy, Sam. Calm down, or you're gonna blow everything.

Sam Hornish Jr.: Blow everything? What are you talking about?

Dario Franchitti: NASCAR loves controversy. Controversy sells. When people are going crazy over Toyotas, over tires, over everything, NASCAR's raking in the dough. So how mad do you think everybody's going to get when us open-wheel vets start dominating?

Sam Hornish Jr.: When? In 2024?

[Tony Stewart blows by again.]

Tony Stewart: Waaaah-hooooo! Victory Lane, I'm on my way!

Dario Franchitti: Nope. This year. Just you wait.

Sam Hornish Jr.: Wait? For what? Stewart and the rest of these clowns are killing us!

Dario Franchitti: NASCAR will provide, Sam. NASCAR will provide.

[At just that moment, Kevin Harvick spins Tony Stewart into the wall.]

Sam Hornish Jr.: Whoa!

Dario Franchitti: See what I mean, Sam? It starts small. Just like that. And you won't believe what's going to happen in Martinsville.

[Remember, folks, Pit Chatter is hypothetical. Doesn't mean this happened. Then again ... doesn't mean it didn't.]

(Photo credit: Getty Images)

[For your holiday pleasure, re-presenting Pit Chatters of days past. Enjoy!]

Listening in on the "secret driver's channel" during testing this week:

Tony Stewart: ... yeah, so when I got home, there were like a thousand angry messages from Goodyear crying that I was too mean to them and promising they were gonna get me. You believe that?

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Well, you didn't exactly pull any punches.

Tony Stewart: Hell no, I didn't. And then when I was making a beer run, I saw this big white chubby guy standing at the end of my driveway. The Goodyear Man.

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Dude, there's no Goodyear Man.

Tony Stewart: There's not?

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Nope. Michelin Man, but no Goodyear Man.

Tony Stewart: Oh.

[Pause.]

Tony Stewart: I probably shouldn't have run over him, then.

THUMP-THUMP

Tony Stewart: What the ... ? Dale, you hear something?

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: The cheers of my fans. The sweet, sweet love of my sponsors. The adoration of NASCAR. That what you meant?

Tony Stewart: Nah, man, it's more like -

THUMP-THUMP

Tony Stewart: There! There, did you hear that?

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Nope. Sorry, bro.

Tony Stewart: That thumping! You can't hear that?

THUMP-THUMP

Tony Stewart: It's coming from those damn Goodyears! Bad enough that I was skating in Atlanta like a frog on a greasy skillet. Now I gotta listen to this noise all weekend? Hey, Kyle!

Kyle Busch: SUP D00D

Tony Stewart: You still texting while you're driving, Kyle?

Kyle Busch: PWNED ATLANTA DOIN IT.

Tony Stewart: Fair enough. So do you hear any-

THUMP-THUMP

Tony Stewart: Right there! Didn't anybody hear that? Anybody?

Kyle Busch: YR CR8ZY. L8RZ.

THUMP-THUMP

THUMP-THUMP

THUMP-THUMP

Tony Stewart: The tires! It's coming from those hideous tires! I can't stand it anymore--oh my lord, what's that?

[A shadow falls over Stewart's car. He looks up and sees the Goodyear Blimp looming over the track.]

Tony Stewart: AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

[Stewart whips off the track and down the nearby roads, screaming all the way.]

Kyle Busch: D00D. U GONNA TELL HIM WE PUT THE NAILZ IN HIS TIREZ?

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: You kidding me? We've got a lot more mileage left in this one.

Kyle Busch: MOR THN THOZ TIREZ, FO SHO.